The Honey Cake

Bangalore’s Iyengar bakeries have the best honey cakes in the world. Yes, this is not an exaggeration. If you have doubts, please try one, I guarantee that you will be hooked for life!

This post is about that honey cake and also about the people in your life who get a honey cake for you.

I was having a bad day for many reasons. Experts say that when you are too happy or too sad or too confused (etc.) you feel like gorging on junk. I agree and felt the same. The honey cake started playing mind games with me. Now, I had to have it, no escape from that one! I could have walked down the road and got one for myself. Yes, sure. But a slight problem, I didn’t feel like getting up from where I was. So I had to rely on other people to get one for me.

There are two types of people in your life – one sort who would bring this cake for you without blinking and the other sort who would go all logical on you.

“It is not good for you”, “Do you know the calories and carbs and sugar in one cake?” I agree these are perfectly logical thoughts with my best interest in mind. No offense to these people in my life at all. They play an important role in making me see reality when required (...okay, when I want to). But there are certain times when you need the first sort of people – those who would just accept the way you are and know when sermons ought to be given and when not! Those with whom you don’t feel doubtful to share your cravings and needs.

Of course, my parents fall in that category! My dad came to my rescue this time (like several other times). Oh, and also, he bought two cakes because he thought one was too small! So, two honey cakes changed my mood, probably also added a few grams/kilos, but I was more amiable after the cakes, and yes, that counts too! Totally illogical and not correct? Please read my post on Love to get into a debate with yourself on what is right and what is wrong ;-).

Anyway, the point here is, don’t let such people go! Wrap them in silk and keep them close to you! They are few of the most precious souls around!

Present Continuous

Not the tense. But life. I have a tendency to dig into the past and worry about the future, while forgetting about the present. Someone told me to live in the present and treat it as continuous because that is the only truth. Makes sense. But the mind has a pattern and it has got used to a certain way of thinking and doing. Consciously trying to control it from wavering into the past and future, is not working. After all, certain decisions I take now will have a bearing on the future, and this cannot be denied.

But it is the paramount truth that life (or is it destiny?) has a style of its own, showing startling and unexpected things when we are not ready. So, what’s the point of living in a bubble assuming that everything is in my control? I will never know what will happen! There is something larger than me which is fitting every day of my life as a puzzle and the final picture will be seen at the end. I just hope that picture is worth it! And, that I have it in me to face the consequences of all decisions which I take.

As usual, DVG's perspective!

ದಿವಸದಿಂ ದಿವಸಕ್ಕೆ ನಿಮಿಷದಿಂ ನಿಮಿಷಕ್ಕೆ ।
ಭವಿಷಿಯವ ಚಿಂತಿಸದೆ ಬದುಕ ನೂಕುತಿರು ।।
ವಿವರಗಳ ಜೋಡಿಸುವ ಯಜಮಾನ ಬೇರಿಹನು ।
ಸವೆಸು ನೀಂ ಜನುಮವನು ಮಂಕುತಿಮ್ಮ ।।

Day to day, moment to moment,
Live on, without worrying about the future.
There is a Master to fit in the detail;
You only need to endure. –Mankuthimma

Love

When you are in love, everything looks good. All simple things will seem to have many layers hidden beneath and you will have fun peeling those layers. You will look for beauty in everything. You feel connected with the bigger network of what you can’t see but feel. You can be in love with yourself, or a person, or a thing, or an idea even. It is all the same.

Love is a positive feeling. It grows and nurtures the mind that loves. The one who loves himself is happy, content and at peace with everything that surrounds him. He understands people around him and behaves in a way in which he does not hurt them knowingly.

In the journey of life, each of us wear different hats – play different roles. Our capability to love is tried and tested at every step. It is easy to lose sight, react to situations and unknowingly behave in a way which masks our capability to act with love. It takes conscious training to put love first.

This emotion which we humans are capable of is such a gift – the default emotion which we have as children sadly outgrowing as we grow up. Rules about what is good and bad, what is correct and wrong, notions about the right way to grow up, to live life, definitions of success, failure – all together imbibed into a growing child’s psyche somewhere diminishes the ability to love – to accept without judgment, to think freely, to be creative. Barriers are already built by the time the child grows.

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” 
― Rumi

When the child grows and hopefully rediscovers love, a lot of time is lost, lot of decisions taken, lot of actions performed – the adult might feel let down. A new process then starts to rebuild what is lost.

Among all the stuff written about parenting, one thing which I feel is of utmost importance is to ensure that the child’s ability to love and to be happy remains untouched. If every child is brought up this way, imagine the world we will have.

How to do this? Well, it is a journey of discovery for the parents too – albeit with the big picture in mind! It is tough but it is worth it, isn’t it?

On that note, here’s Calvin with his big picture ;-)

ಎಲ್ಲಿಯೂ ನಿಲ್ಲದಿರು, ಮನೆಯನೆಂದು ಕಟ್ಟದಿರು, ಕೊನೆಯನೆಂದು ಮುಟ್ಟದಿರು....ಓ ಅನಂತವಾಗಿರು!

~~ Don't linger long anywhere, don't build a house that you call yours, don't ever rest...be homeless, Oh, infinite one! ~~

She took the song too literally, that one should not build an abode. The song spoke about the soul and she thought it was for the body. She does not consider any building she stays in as her own. She does not feel attached to a place. She does not mind if you ask her to move to any other part of the city. She would do it, without blinking an eye, no emotions, no drama, no nothing. She does go on long trips, away from home. She is joyous when she thinks of going back home. She is happy to return home, to the people living in it. “Home is where the heart is” and “home is where love is”.

Lately, she is stressed about how there is no place for anything in the house. That the house is not planned well. That there is no place for keeping her stuff. That there is no one place called hers to rest. That some renovation should be done. Which is making her question – is she getting attached? Is it a bad thing?

Yaana (ಯಾನ) by S L Bhyrappa (ಎಸ್ ಎಲ್ ಭೈರಪ್ಪ)

Note: I have tried not to provide spoilers, but if I have done so unknowingly, please accept my apologies!

I had carefully avoided all reviews, abstracts and any kind of information about the book with a decision that I would read it with an unbiased view. Honestly, I did not like Kavalu (ಕವಲು), SLB’s previous novel, too much. While Avarana (ಆವರಣ) was like a bomb blast, ಕವಲು was like a wet firecracker (ಟುಸ್ಸ್ ಪಟಾಕಿ). In retrospection, I probably did not like ಕವಲು because it looked regressive in some parts. I did not have high expectations from ಯಾನ as a story, but as usual, did have extremely high expectations on the author himself!

When I read the first page, I was taken aback – this story looked like science fiction! In the very first page, Bhyrappa introduces us to the premise of the whole story, no dillydallying, no prologue. It was a tad bit uncomfortable because right from the start, I started thinking about whether Bhyrappa can deliver! He proved that such doubts were unnecessary.

After reading the book, I can say for sure that this book is as much a piece of science fiction as it is about philosophy and mankind! Such is the work of this master storyteller!

Here is my view of the book – it begins with raising a pertinent question on the morality of an incestuous relationship (or what looks like) and ends with the protagonists taking a stand on it. In between, we get glimpses of several related facts, thoughts, beliefs and principles - some of which are turned upside down and some of which are newly established.

What is a relationship? Does a relationship need (ಸಮಾಜದ ಮನ್ನಣೆ) a formal name that is accepted by society? If you get into promises and agreements on earth, do they hold good when you are out there, billions of kilometers away from earth? ಇಲ್ಲಿ ಮಾಡುವ ಆಣೆಭಾಷೆಗಳು ಅಲ್ಲೂ ಉಳಿಯುತ್ತಾವ? Is there any court of law that will hold you for the promise you broke? If Sun is your God (ಪ್ರತ್ಯಕ್ಷ ದೇವರು), what about the billions of such stars all around you? What is the Sun? Who is God or, rather, what is God? What is consciousness (ಪ್ರಜ್ಞೆ)? Is consciousness, as defined on Earth, the same in our Sun’s solar system? Is it the same in our galaxy, in other galaxies and in our universe?

Such questions are asked and an attempt is made to answer too. But the beauty is, you form your own understanding and also in the process, you increase your confusion, which is a good thing J.  

Few more thoughts -

• I remembered Kuvempu’s Ananamaya Ee jaga hrudaya (ಆನಂದಮಯ ಈ ಜಗ ಹೃದಯ) when Bhyrappa extols about the Sun, also understood the poem a bit differently this time.
• I could remember the countless hours I have spent on understanding the "Nasadiya Suktha" (ನಾಸದೀಯ ಸೂಕ್ತ) and also when I gave up on it J. At a high level, I understand it, but when you dig deeper, it was and remains beyond my understanding. When Bhyrappa brings in this suktha, I had goose bumps. It was brought in at the perfect time with the perfect words; I cannot describe the feeling!
• I had reveled in the description of the Himalayas in “Parva” (ಪರ್ವ). There is a lot of difference between the Himalayas in ಯಾನ and that of ಪರ್ವ, signifying the destruction at the hands of man.
• Lots of scientific concepts/theories are written in a concise manner – continental drift, formation of the Himalayas, black holes and quantum theory, applicability of Newton’s laws, distance and time, etc..

Overall, if you are someone who believes that science and spirituality (call it philosophy if you want) coexist, please read this book. It is an excellent attempt in Kannada.

Here’s a bow to Bhyrappa!

A Day of Inspiration at Office!

I had the good fortune to listen to a wonderful speaker this week. The CEO & MD of KKR and Red Chillies Entertainment - Venky Mysore, behind-the-scenes-star of the turnaround of KKR in the IPL was at office and speaking to us J

It was a wonderful experience to listen to his transition from a core financial professional to what he is today. What a journey! He even got into a Q&A and answered all our questions so patiently. He almost looked disappointed when none of us women in the room asked him about SRK (even though we were dying to, we were not courageous enough to steer the discussion in that direction).Our boss took it upon himself to do the needful, also insisting that he was doing it for everyone in the room who was secretly wishing someone else would ask that question (bless him).

So, apart from the Bollywood and some inside stories of KKR ;-), I might have just picked few “leadership & management” gems from him, which I haven’t got even from few certified management trainers! I mean, yes, most of them sound clichéd, but no one put it in context like he did, with live examples of KKR and the results seen by all!

He said:

• Do not attach sanctity to a bar that has been set. How else would anyone create new records?
• There is no substitute for experience. The next best thing to do is to observe successful people and imbibe what they do. Be open to fail in the process…
• …And when you lose, don’t lose the lesson
• Know what skills you want in your team and then start selecting people with that skill, rather than the other way around
• Constantly work towards setting a higher bar for yourself and your teams.
• It is important to shake up a team, even if it is a winning combination. It provides a level playing field for everyone and also creates an environment to try new strategies and encourages innovation.

As usual, a ton of questions came to my mind after the talk ended. The search for these answers always seems endless!

Wanderlust

When you start a trip with apprehensions and hesitations, and when it turns out to be just the opposite, then it was worth it. Is it not?

Something like that happened to me. Office announced a trip to Bintan, Indonesia. Too many issues pulling me down, at office and personal, I was in a bad / guilty mood to go out on a trip. I disregarded that nagging voice inside me and said ‘Yes’. Of course the nagging stayed on – it continued to remind me of the various reasons why I shouldn't be going. But there I was standing at the boarding pass counter, albeit wondering whether that was the right thing to do!

It is not easy, packing your bags, leaving the comfort of one’s own home and leaving to a country you have never been before with people you don’t know too well. But such trips do something to you which you find out only after it is over. The freedom you get is unbelievable – no one knows you, you don’t have a reputation to keep – these give a sense of confidence and bring out the child in you. I now firmly believe reputation etc. is unimportant. What you are inside is your reputation!

Anyway, good things don’t last forever. Sitting in a 4X4 cubicle and staring at the computer is reality for now. All the “paused” issues come up and you have to face them. You can’t escape.

What the trip did to me, however, is to give me renewed energy to face problems. Some things that I learnt:

• People behave with you the way you behave with them
• Focus is needed for anything that you do
• Regardless of whether you are tall or short, fat or thin, black or white, young or old, you look beautiful when you smile with happiness.
• Photos distract you from enjoying
• But, photos are important because you forget sooner than you think
• Genuine appreciation of people is a sure fire way of forging relationships
• Singing is healing
• Health is wealth
• Family is a treasure that you own, focus on family should be the highest thing on your list

Here’s to bringing out the wanderlust in me!

Grateful post

Among all the twists and turns that life can take I am honestly glad that my life chose to take the turns it took. It’s tragic that I am enlightened about such grateful feelings only when I confront misfortunes which I cannot fathom can happen with people. People who are as normal as I am, closer to me than I can imagine. 

It is said that tragedies are a true test of your strength. It must be true because I have seen these people climbing back into life, step by step, and that is nothing short of a miracle to me. I cannot predict what will happen in the future. But if I am confronted with something that sucks the life out of me, I only hope I have the strength to resurface. And that I can remember all these people to draw inspiration from.

A Tale of Two Stories

No Indian needs an introduction to Varnashrama or caste system. How did this idea take birth? They say it was the Vedas that stipulated this order of society. I am reasonably convinced that the Vedas did say so, but maybe not with the shade with which we have implemented it. I used to think that Manu (of Manu Smriti) was a more appropriate source, since he was quite (in)famous for such dictats.

Anyway, I spotted a pattern about this topic in the current Indian fiction world. I read two different books recently with an explanation of how Varnashrama took a stronghold in India. Interestingly there is one man who is pivotal for this – Rama. In both the stories, he is the ruler under whom Varnashrama flourished. Even more interesting is the fact that Rama is a hero in one and a grey character in the other.

Amish Tripathi’s Shiva trilogy has drawn a Lord Rama who was nearing perfection. His division of labour was based on skills only and not by the accident of birth. The "Maika" concept enabled all children to evolve their skills and then choose the work that they were best at. While it was logical and was based on natural justice, human bonds were severed.

Anand Neelanatan’s Rama in his “Asura, tale of the vanquished”, is a puppet of the image he has built of himself. His Varnashrama is what we have seen and continue to see in India. Your birth decided your caste and your caste decided your occupation. When everyone stayed within their boundaries, albeit in distress, the system gave an illusion of a perfect world. When someone rebelled, gaping holes were revealed and guilt overtook people of conscience.

Both are refreshing takes on retelling stories we grew up with. They are starkly different but essentially say the same thing. People should be treated like people. Nothing more and nothing less.

My Perfect World

The past few days have been hectic. Too many changes happening to my perfect world. Change is not my best friend. I am trying to take one day at a time for now. I am also practicing the art of deception to divert my mind.

So, I‘ve been reading some Kannada since the past few days. Accidentally stumbled on “Mankutimma”. I have read only a few verses till date and not really pondered over the relevance. Wiki says, the work “Mankutimmana Kagga” is called the Bhagavad Gita in Kannada. You have to agree with that. The Kagga has answers to all the questions we can ever ask ourselves. How could one man have written this in his lifetime? It is hard to imagine the experiences he has had that’s enabled him to write this profound piece. I am unable to describe the awesomeness of the work. If you know the language, it is even better!

Now there’s one verse that’s gnawing my mind from many days describing the illusion or everything perfect. The habit of expecting the “prefect everything” will only spread negativity. The perfect house, the perfect partner, the perfect job, the perfect lunch, the perfect blog post…….it never ends…this obsession. Once you stop this mania, I think you will start finding  satisfaction and happiness even. I also understand that there is a balance you ought to achieve. Less expectation also throws you back in life. Balance is the key…which I am struggling to find!

On a lighter note, I’ll stop worrying that my house is not really spic and span. I see that I am raising happy children in the same house J.

ಸರಿಯಾಗಲಿಲ್ಲವದು ಸರಿಯಿದಲ್ಲವೆನುತ ।
ಹರಡಿಕೊಳಬೇಡ ಮುಳ್ಳನು ಹಾಸಿಗೆಯಲಿ ।।
ಕೊರೆಯಾದೊಡೇನೊಂದು ನೆರೆದೊಡೇನಿನ್ನೊಂದು ।
ಒರಟು ಕೆಲಸವೊ ಬದುಕು ಮಂಕುತಿಮ್ಮ ।।

"This is not right, that is not correct":
Saying thus, spread not thorns on your bed.
So what if something is not perfect?
Life is but a rough job. --Mankuthimma

[With reverence to Sri DVG]

[Reference: http://daily-kagga.livejournal.com/19576.html]

English Vinglish - Time well spent

English Vinglish - here’s a movie you should not miss. It’s not idealistic or preachy even though  the synopsis of the movie might suggest so. You really feel for Shashi, the protagonist. You cry when she cries, you cringe at her embarrassment, you feel proud of her, you dance with her…you feel everything she feels and, that for me, is the definition of a well-made film.

Subtlety is used for the most defining scenes, which works very well. Nothing over-the-top and dramatic. Music aides the scenes rather than being a hindrance to the pace of the movie. The supporting cast is perfect. The movie is as close to reality as it can get.

Few scenes where I felt that the dialogues have been inserted only for the general good-feeling and whistles in the cinema halls were the ones in the consulate where Shashi goes for her visa interview and the one where Amitabh’s character talks with the I-94 stamping guy. Like I said…feel-good scenes :-).

One might also wonder as to how the people in the English class get attached to each other in a matter of just a few weeks. But again, maybe the common dilemma of being left-out in a foreign land bonds them intimately.

Day-to-day happenings are shown with such honesty

• Shashi’s mother-in-law’s scenes…excellently etched out. You’ll want to hug her.
• The scene where the husband talks to Manu, Shashi’s sister, inviting them over to USA for her daughter’s wedding. You can see Shashi constantly trying to get the phone from her husband to talk to her sister but how he never hands her the phone and the silent exchange shown is outstanding.
• Shashi goes to bed in her saree. She does not change her routine or her style even when she lands in the USA. Even such small quirks of her personality are displayed and the character is not compromised till the end.

Many incidents portray Shashi’s  personality

• The café-coffee-day revelation and how she takes it in her stride without berating her teenaged daughter
• The motherly love for her younger child leaves you with a warm and cuddly feeling :-)
• How she makes a business out of her passion
• Her acceptance and thoughts about the homosexuality of the class teacher
• How she is brave enough to venture on her own in a foreign land
• Her ability to decide her priorities on whether or not she should attend her exam
• How she hits the nail on the head when she delivers her final speech….each of these brilliantly executed.

The portrayal of sensitive issues is outstanding, especially considering that this is mainstream Hindi cinema

• “She was born to make laddoos”, wow! Never has such a statement shown to be degrading to a woman in Hindi cinema :-).
• Handling the attraction between the French guy and Shashi is brilliant. No guilt-trips. Just acceptance.

Finally, we come of age. 

You can’t end any piece of writing on this movie without mentioning Sridevi, the actress. She’s brilliant – the master of subtle nuances of body language. She represents so much with just that. Agreed her Hindi sounds funny …but she’s always spoken Hindi the same way for the past 3 decades, isn’t it? And that she’s beautiful is an understatement! You’ll root for her. You’ll root for every woman who has been-here-done-this.

One of the cleverest and entertaining movies of recent times. Don’t miss this one for sure!

Listen to your body

Lately, too many health issues are surfacing. I cannot put a finger on the root cause, the issues all look so trivial. The logical thing to do is to consult the doctor. But all I am getting is stuff to curb the symptoms. One-tablet–headache-gone type of consultation. Alternately, someone told me to “listen to your body”. He said, “Observe your routine, what physical activities you do, what you eat, the mood, etc.. You will find a pattern and you will figure out that something you do/eat/think disturbs the balance in your body.” This sounds like good advice. It’s going to take a considerable amount of time but maybe it’s worth following.

Couple of days have gone by with this conscious observation routine. First observation is about how I breathe. Whenever I have noticed, I am holding my breath! For no apparent reason…just forgetting to take regular breaths. Now that is not good, isn’t it?

Sigh! A pandora’s box type of situation faces me I think. Let’s see where I go from here.

Thus Spake...

It was his first ever formal test at school and Skanda was really nonchalant about the whole matter. He still does not know about the rat race you see?

I was reviewing his English answer sheet. I had to sign and return it to his school the next day. Below is an excerpt on the actual conversation.

I see a picture on the paper with questions related to that below it. There is a basket of apples placed on a table among many other things in the frame.

Me (reading aloud): How many apples are there in the basket?
Skanda (reads out what he’s written): There are many apples in the basket.
Me: Okay, your teacher has written six. Why did you write many?
Skanda (patiently explaining): Amma, this is an English test not a Math test.
Me (okay!): So you did not think you should count? The picture shows 6 apples.
Skanda (duh Amma): It shows that there are 6 apples on the basket, how can I count the apples inside the basket? So, I wrote “many”. Ma’am is wrong. I am correct.
Me: Yes. I agree :-)

Out of the box thinking isn’t it? He really does have a good perspective of things. We should let kids “think” more often.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Here’s another interesting dialogue between an aunt and my younger one (Pranav).

Aunt: What will you be when you grow up?
Pranav: A Ghost.

Should I write what happened next? Aunt was scandalized; my mom reproached me for watching Supernatural when kids were around ;-). But I ask, could you please learn how to speak with kids aged 3 years? Is that a question to be asked? You asked for it!
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Well, I am thoroughly loving it with the kids in such form :-) !!

Recipe for a Heartening Lunch

There are days when you surprise yourself. Today is that day for me. Pondering throughout last night about what to cook for lunch for the next day, I finally decided to let creativity take over. I started putting things together with intuitive measurements. Amma told me that whatever I would prepare would be the breakfast for the day too…so there!



What I created was not only edible, it was beyond great :-). Had a wonderful lunch today! So lest I forget what I did, I am noting down the “recipe” here.


Recipe for Vegetable Pulav
Ingredients:


1. 1 1/2 cup basmati rice + 1/2 cup normal rice
2. Vegetables - carrot + beans + alu, cut like fingers
3. For the masala paste - 4 spoons coconut + 3 Lavanga + 2 elakki + 3 large pieces of Chakke + 2 green chillies
4. For tempering – Oil, Jeera , Gasagase (Poppy Seeds), Onion, Ginger garlic paste – add according to spice level preference
5. Tomato puree - of 3 large tomatoes
6. Garam masala powder – ½ spoon
7. Red Chilli powder – ¼ spoon
8. Salt to taste

Method:


1. Grind masala paste with little water
2. Wash the rice and keep it aside
3. Make the puree out of tomatoes
4. Pour 4 tbsp of peanut oil in cooker -> Add Jeera, Gasagase, Onions and G&G paste
5. Add vegetables and fry
6. Add ground masala paste and fry till the raw smell is gone
7. Add the washed rice and fry
8. Add tomato puree and fry for 2-3 minutes till it becomes gooey
9. Add garam masala powder (1/2 tsp) and red chilli powder (little) if spice level is not enough
10. Add water and salt
11. Cook for 2 whistles+1 minute
12. Pulav is ready to serve


And here is how it looked....

Life's Milestones - 2

It was a cakewalk really. The whole pregnancy and delivery thing second time around. Some friends asked me why I decided to go through the whole thing again, was one time not enough? The pain, the angst, the check-ups and the one that tops the list – the delivery. I did not want to give them the mushy answer of how the tiny person at the end of all that was worth it and how the first cries rejuvenates you to take whatever comes next head-on. But that was actually it. I cannot forget that scene – the husband, seated on the hospital chair and holding the new born in his arms with Skanda, curiously touching his little brother’s fingers. I even remember the smell of the hospital mingled with fresh flowers from a bouquet. It was picture perfect.


I used to miss being pregnant after my first son was born. I would miss the fresh smell of babies just bathed and whole lot of such things that came with new babies. I would even sit up most nights without complaining. I would not share these feelings with anyone lest they think I had gone mad! I always thought if I was born in another century or maybe even in another country, I would definitely have a gang of kids of my own! But practicalities are woven into our lives and there is no avenue of escape from them, isn’t it?


Time is known to fly at alarming speed. Yet, I am always amazed by it. So, my second son, Pranav, came kicking and screaming into this world three years back. It just seems like yesterday that I held him in my arms admiring the miracle that he was. He is a little person of his own now and his sunny personality is beginning to show. He is full of love and naughty to the core. He loves books and riding his bicycle with anna. The brothers have formed a strong bond of kinship which, I hope, will only strengthen with time. He loves dinosaurs too and rattles off names of the species! He has the cutest lisp - he cannot pronounce "s", "sh" and "r". He has the most adorable sulk when he is admonished and I have a whale of a time cajoling him out of his anger!


He insists he is only two years old because for him a birthday means cutting a cake, which we could not on his birthday. So I have promised him a cake this weekend and he has promised that he will turn three that day :).


Happy birthday, my dear child!

On a beaten to death topic

"I'm the one that's got to die when it's time for me to die, so let me live my life the way I want to."
- Jimi Hendrix.

Feeling stifled by expectations & rules. How long can one pretend to care?

Realization

Taking decisions seems so easy. Both small and large, personal and professional. When I look back on the past few days, months and years, I can recognize a pattern in my thought process while confronting a decision making occasion. I always stand out of the problem and have a third party view and take a decision which is right at that point of time.


Have I regretted any of them? Yes, I have. But has it stopped me from taking decisions in this method? No. Simply because I find it easy to detach myself and not dwell on regrets too much. I work towards forgetting the bad feeling that is associated with regret and learning from the process. Maybe this is my escape route and it works for me. It works because, all my life, with all the ups and downs, I have suddenly discovered that I have generally been a happy person! My light bulb moment for this year :-).

About learning and changing for the better

Lots of changes during the last few months...still reeling under the experiences, some lessons learnt, some fingers burnt.

I am trying to put down the most important lessons that I have learnt. Anyone reading these might feel that there is nothing new. One has definitely read it on a random quotes site or an email forward.

But for me, these really do mean something, I have experienced each of these first-hand. This also proves one of my theories – one has to experience for oneself the lessons of life, one just does not learn from others’ experiences.


1. It’s never too late to ask questions and learn.

2. Nothing ever remains a constant. Things change, people change, you change.

3. Time is a good healer…but not without scars

4. In most cases, you only remember how you felt, not what made you feel that way. It is that reminder of how you felt which either scares you or makes you look forward for similar experiences.

5. Every relationship is a ‘deal’…you give some, you take some. There are no exceptions.

6. You should make your own decision. Always.

7. You have to plan your old age funds.

8. It is always better to give others a benefit of doubt.

9. Children show us how to live life, if only we had the time and patience to observe and learn.

10. There is a thin line between being polite and being a doormat.


Life is so happening!!!

Can I?

From where does will power originate? Can it be learnt? Taught? Bought? Is it in one’s nature or is it something that can be imbibed into oneself?

This subject is bothering me no end. What do you do when you are fighting something so much and somehow things don’t work out the way you want them to? I have often prided myself to be a strong person amidst crises. But now thinking backwards, most of them have been others’ problems and I might have been the support figure only. Maybe I am not strong enough to fight my own battles.

All the encouraging words seem hollow to me and have stopped striking a chord. I know that I need a lot of will power to win my private battles but it’s not to be found anywhere in sight.

I need a glimmer of hope.

Pigeons and a dilemma

Last week, we found an egg on top of a suitcase in the attic of my bedroom. We also saw two pigeons flying in and out of the always-open bedroom window. The kids were excited but I was in a dilemma. I did not know what to do because I was concerned about the mess that would be created and that too in my bedroom!

The hubby and I did some research and found that the pigeons always lay a pair of eggs and they don’t empty the nest for around 50 days in total! Now that was a really long time for us to tolerate them inside the house. We decided that we would not allow the pigeons to start their family in our house but were very concerned about the kind of role models we were going to be for the kids due to this ‘barbaric’ act!

Deep inside, I was very sad about the whole thing. Again I took refuge in the internet and read many experiences where people made the same decision that we made and consoled myself that the birds would find some other place and it’s not a very big deal (well, it still makes me guilty). The kids were questioning incessantly about the whole event and we were not able to break it to them that we were about the throw the egg away.

So, now my husband comes up with a brilliant idea. He tells the kids that they were going to make a bird nest out of scratch and place the egg in it so that the pigeons find and start hatching it :-). The kids were obviously excited. So he took out his tools, wood, nails, hammer et al and the three of them started building this “hakki goodu”. I was quite surprised to see him go about the task with such dedication that I deduced that he was feeling as guilty as I was and had just not talked about it. The nest was ready and the egg was placed on top of carefully selected bits of twigs and cotton and this was hung on my terrace. The kids spent the evening waiting for the birds to magically know that their new nest was ready and to start using it. But alas, as we had guessed, no bird came. The kids were disappointed (and somewhere deep down we were too) but the thrill of building the nest kept them occupied and happy.

I want to assume that we have not really abandoned a family and we have done our best and have also tried to set a good example to the kids. Parenting is surely not an easy task!