On a beaten to death topic

"I'm the one that's got to die when it's time for me to die, so let me live my life the way I want to."
- Jimi Hendrix.

Feeling stifled by expectations & rules. How long can one pretend to care?

Realization

Taking decisions seems so easy. Both small and large, personal and professional. When I look back on the past few days, months and years, I can recognize a pattern in my thought process while confronting a decision making occasion. I always stand out of the problem and have a third party view and take a decision which is right at that point of time.


Have I regretted any of them? Yes, I have. But has it stopped me from taking decisions in this method? No. Simply because I find it easy to detach myself and not dwell on regrets too much. I work towards forgetting the bad feeling that is associated with regret and learning from the process. Maybe this is my escape route and it works for me. It works because, all my life, with all the ups and downs, I have suddenly discovered that I have generally been a happy person! My light bulb moment for this year :-).

About learning and changing for the better

Lots of changes during the last few months...still reeling under the experiences, some lessons learnt, some fingers burnt.

I am trying to put down the most important lessons that I have learnt. Anyone reading these might feel that there is nothing new. One has definitely read it on a random quotes site or an email forward.

But for me, these really do mean something, I have experienced each of these first-hand. This also proves one of my theories – one has to experience for oneself the lessons of life, one just does not learn from others’ experiences.


1. It’s never too late to ask questions and learn.

2. Nothing ever remains a constant. Things change, people change, you change.

3. Time is a good healer…but not without scars

4. In most cases, you only remember how you felt, not what made you feel that way. It is that reminder of how you felt which either scares you or makes you look forward for similar experiences.

5. Every relationship is a ‘deal’…you give some, you take some. There are no exceptions.

6. You should make your own decision. Always.

7. You have to plan your old age funds.

8. It is always better to give others a benefit of doubt.

9. Children show us how to live life, if only we had the time and patience to observe and learn.

10. There is a thin line between being polite and being a doormat.


Life is so happening!!!

Can I?

From where does will power originate? Can it be learnt? Taught? Bought? Is it in one’s nature or is it something that can be imbibed into oneself?

This subject is bothering me no end. What do you do when you are fighting something so much and somehow things don’t work out the way you want them to? I have often prided myself to be a strong person amidst crises. But now thinking backwards, most of them have been others’ problems and I might have been the support figure only. Maybe I am not strong enough to fight my own battles.

All the encouraging words seem hollow to me and have stopped striking a chord. I know that I need a lot of will power to win my private battles but it’s not to be found anywhere in sight.

I need a glimmer of hope.

Pigeons and a dilemma

Last week, we found an egg on top of a suitcase in the attic of my bedroom. We also saw two pigeons flying in and out of the always-open bedroom window. The kids were excited but I was in a dilemma. I did not know what to do because I was concerned about the mess that would be created and that too in my bedroom!

The hubby and I did some research and found that the pigeons always lay a pair of eggs and they don’t empty the nest for around 50 days in total! Now that was a really long time for us to tolerate them inside the house. We decided that we would not allow the pigeons to start their family in our house but were very concerned about the kind of role models we were going to be for the kids due to this ‘barbaric’ act!

Deep inside, I was very sad about the whole thing. Again I took refuge in the internet and read many experiences where people made the same decision that we made and consoled myself that the birds would find some other place and it’s not a very big deal (well, it still makes me guilty). The kids were questioning incessantly about the whole event and we were not able to break it to them that we were about the throw the egg away.

So, now my husband comes up with a brilliant idea. He tells the kids that they were going to make a bird nest out of scratch and place the egg in it so that the pigeons find and start hatching it :-). The kids were obviously excited. So he took out his tools, wood, nails, hammer et al and the three of them started building this “hakki goodu”. I was quite surprised to see him go about the task with such dedication that I deduced that he was feeling as guilty as I was and had just not talked about it. The nest was ready and the egg was placed on top of carefully selected bits of twigs and cotton and this was hung on my terrace. The kids spent the evening waiting for the birds to magically know that their new nest was ready and to start using it. But alas, as we had guessed, no bird came. The kids were disappointed (and somewhere deep down we were too) but the thrill of building the nest kept them occupied and happy.

I want to assume that we have not really abandoned a family and we have done our best and have also tried to set a good example to the kids. Parenting is surely not an easy task!