Life's Milestones - 2

It was a cakewalk really. The whole pregnancy and delivery thing second time around. Some friends asked me why I decided to go through the whole thing again, was one time not enough? The pain, the angst, the check-ups and the one that tops the list – the delivery. I did not want to give them the mushy answer of how the tiny person at the end of all that was worth it and how the first cries rejuvenates you to take whatever comes next head-on. But that was actually it. I cannot forget that scene – the husband, seated on the hospital chair and holding the new born in his arms with Skanda, curiously touching his little brother’s fingers. I even remember the smell of the hospital mingled with fresh flowers from a bouquet. It was picture perfect.


I used to miss being pregnant after my first son was born. I would miss the fresh smell of babies just bathed and whole lot of such things that came with new babies. I would even sit up most nights without complaining. I would not share these feelings with anyone lest they think I had gone mad! I always thought if I was born in another century or maybe even in another country, I would definitely have a gang of kids of my own! But practicalities are woven into our lives and there is no avenue of escape from them, isn’t it?


Time is known to fly at alarming speed. Yet, I am always amazed by it. So, my second son, Pranav, came kicking and screaming into this world three years back. It just seems like yesterday that I held him in my arms admiring the miracle that he was. He is a little person of his own now and his sunny personality is beginning to show. He is full of love and naughty to the core. He loves books and riding his bicycle with anna. The brothers have formed a strong bond of kinship which, I hope, will only strengthen with time. He loves dinosaurs too and rattles off names of the species! He has the cutest lisp - he cannot pronounce "s", "sh" and "r". He has the most adorable sulk when he is admonished and I have a whale of a time cajoling him out of his anger!


He insists he is only two years old because for him a birthday means cutting a cake, which we could not on his birthday. So I have promised him a cake this weekend and he has promised that he will turn three that day :).


Happy birthday, my dear child!

On a beaten to death topic

"I'm the one that's got to die when it's time for me to die, so let me live my life the way I want to."
- Jimi Hendrix.

Feeling stifled by expectations & rules. How long can one pretend to care?

Realization

Taking decisions seems so easy. Both small and large, personal and professional. When I look back on the past few days, months and years, I can recognize a pattern in my thought process while confronting a decision making occasion. I always stand out of the problem and have a third party view and take a decision which is right at that point of time.


Have I regretted any of them? Yes, I have. But has it stopped me from taking decisions in this method? No. Simply because I find it easy to detach myself and not dwell on regrets too much. I work towards forgetting the bad feeling that is associated with regret and learning from the process. Maybe this is my escape route and it works for me. It works because, all my life, with all the ups and downs, I have suddenly discovered that I have generally been a happy person! My light bulb moment for this year :-).

About learning and changing for the better

Lots of changes during the last few months...still reeling under the experiences, some lessons learnt, some fingers burnt.

I am trying to put down the most important lessons that I have learnt. Anyone reading these might feel that there is nothing new. One has definitely read it on a random quotes site or an email forward.

But for me, these really do mean something, I have experienced each of these first-hand. This also proves one of my theories – one has to experience for oneself the lessons of life, one just does not learn from others’ experiences.


1. It’s never too late to ask questions and learn.

2. Nothing ever remains a constant. Things change, people change, you change.

3. Time is a good healer…but not without scars

4. In most cases, you only remember how you felt, not what made you feel that way. It is that reminder of how you felt which either scares you or makes you look forward for similar experiences.

5. Every relationship is a ‘deal’…you give some, you take some. There are no exceptions.

6. You should make your own decision. Always.

7. You have to plan your old age funds.

8. It is always better to give others a benefit of doubt.

9. Children show us how to live life, if only we had the time and patience to observe and learn.

10. There is a thin line between being polite and being a doormat.


Life is so happening!!!

Can I?

From where does will power originate? Can it be learnt? Taught? Bought? Is it in one’s nature or is it something that can be imbibed into oneself?

This subject is bothering me no end. What do you do when you are fighting something so much and somehow things don’t work out the way you want them to? I have often prided myself to be a strong person amidst crises. But now thinking backwards, most of them have been others’ problems and I might have been the support figure only. Maybe I am not strong enough to fight my own battles.

All the encouraging words seem hollow to me and have stopped striking a chord. I know that I need a lot of will power to win my private battles but it’s not to be found anywhere in sight.

I need a glimmer of hope.